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The Journey To Find Myself

I’m tired. I’m tired of my lack of motivation, I’m tired of being crabby, I’m tired of my clothes getting tighter. I’m just tired. I know what I need to do and there is NO MORE EXCUSES. No more “I’ll start tomorrow,” no more “but…”. No more. This afternoon I start my path to feeling better. This afternoon I pick myself up, I get off the couch and go for a walk, eat fruit instead of a brownie, go get the Fitbit I bought off of Craigslist, log the food I ate in My Fitness Pal. This afternoon it begins…

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This is me. All 163 lbs, size 12 is getting tight, me. I’m putting this photo out there as motivation. Motivation to gain back the person I used to be. Not the 125 lb, size 6 person I was when I got married (and before kids). The happy-go-lucky, always up for doing something, me. The person who hated sitting at home on the couch alone. The person who wanted to throw parties like her mom did for friends. The person who didn’t yell at her kids because she was lazy. The person I was before I let myself go.

I don’t really care if I lose weight per se, but fitting comfortably back into a size 8-10 would be nice.  I have a goal to be healthier, to be more active, and to be more happy. I’ve had my thyroid checked and though I do have something that needs to be closely monitored, the weight gain and lack of energy rests solely on me and not my body chemistry. Celexa (an anti-depressant) is helping, but it is my attitude and lack of motivation that needs an adjustment.

This afternoon I begin my journey to find myself again and I’m inviting you to join along. After all, what better motivation than to throw it all out there and be held accountable? Along with my regular kid-friendly posts this summer, I will be writing a few personal posts of things I struggle with. I am hoping that by doing so, I find the encouragement I need to continue this journey.



  1. YOU CAN DO IT!!! I know it isn’t easy to put a picture like that out there (I was required to do it for a campaign) but I promise it’ll help. Also, take the picture every month. When you start seeing (and feeling) the changes, you’ll be even MORE motivated!

    • Exactly why I put the photo out there. I need to look at it to see how far I’ve come. Never thought to take monthly photos! Great idea!

  2. You are SO BRAVE for posting this here. Despite what you think, you look great. I know the difference between people telling you that and you actually believing it. For the sake of transparency, I am 5’6″ and I weigh 210lbs. I’m in a size 16/18. Before I got pregnant with #2, I was 160ish, and a size 12, still deliciously curvy. I was never happy. It took me gaining over 100lbs for me to realize that I’m beautiful no matter what size I am. Good luck with your journey! I know that you can do whatever you put your mind to! Sending love, courage, and happiness. xo

    • Thanks so much Summer! I really just want to find myself again with weight loss as a perk. I want to look in the mirror and be happy no matter what weight I am because I know that at least I’m trying to be happy and healthy.

  3. Jamie ~ Love your post and sending you a ton of hugs, and some kicks in the butt… not because you need them but because sometimes us friends can kick each others butts as a friendly…. get moving girl.. gesture.

    I fully understand where you are coming from. As I get older, I get more and more lazy and tired and hurt. I know I need to exercise and I do, but I also know I can do more but it is hard to get myself too. Depression and illness sucks the life right out of people.

    I am here if you ever need to vent, scream, cry, or just need a friendly kick 😉

    YOU are an amazing person.. no matter what you see in the mirror. XO

    • Thanks so much Sheila. Feel free to give me a friendly kick in the butt anytime (or a what the heck are you doing kick in the butt when I really need one). Definitely looking to you for motivation!

  4. I get this. I totally get how it feels to not want to go another day the way things are. This was me too in January and right there – at the moment – I made a commitment to myself to change. Five months down the line and I wonder why I never started sooner. Congratulations on the start of your journey – I can’t wait to see your progress!

    • Definitely hope to keep this up for 5+ months! Everyone’s support is exactly what I need to not give up on the hard days.

  5. First! You are an AMAZING woman, mom, and friend. I know this because I spent 5 days with you in April and I had an amazing time with you. You are happy-go-lucky and you definitely are a fun person to be around. You are beautiful.

    That being said, if you aren’t happy with yourself… that is when a change needs to be made. I am in the same boat as you. I gained weight- I don’t feel *good* anymore. I am not me. So I feel your pain. You do what you need to do to get :you: back and that is all that is important. 🙂 good luck on your journey and I know you can do it!!

  6. You have the right mindset and goal. It’s the little things. And if you are a SAHM during summer, it’s do-able with kids! My boys are 6 and 8 and just today I walked a mile to the pool and a mile back. (I stick them In a jogging stroller to sit if tired or so they can talk, but they have the option to walk with me.) in the mornings i use that same stroller to jog/walk 3 miles with them. If there is a playground, I’d be on it doing monkey bars with them and climbing the poles. So much you can do. Play with them In a pool instead of sunning. Frisbee and kite flying at the beach. The little things will add up in your favor and you’ll have a memorable summer!

    • Yes! I SO need to get outside more with the kids. Bike rides are a huge goal this summer. Guilty of sitting and watching vs getting on the playground equipment. Must get in there with them!

  7. You. Go. Girl!

  8. Good for you! We can all use a little motivation, I’m glad you are looking forward & stepping in the right direction…I could use some motivation myself!

  9. It is a very long hard journey, but you can do it! Get people around you involved, have them join you, have them cheer you on!

    Making your goal to be healthier is really important, weight loss is okay but you will lose motivation if that is your only goal. Plus even loosing a few pounds will make a big difference in your health! You will have more energy and feel so much better!

    Good Luck!!

    • So true. That’s why my main goal is energy and happiness not weight loss. The weight loss will be a perk not a goal. I tried weight loss and gave up way to quickly. I know the happier I am the more motivated I’ll be to lose weight and the more weight I lose the happier I’ll be 🙂

  10. oh YOU SO CAN DO THIS! I have 100% faith in you! As my daughter says, YOU DO YOU, and do what you need! Looking forward to reading your journey!

  11. Good luck Jamie!! What a great post. You, me and Pam should hit the gym together this summer! Its always funner (yes, funner) to workout with friends 🙂

    • I have’t used my Fitness 19 membership in MONTHS. Good luck trying to convince Hubby to let me join Lifetime for more $$ if I can’t even use Fitness 19.

      • I workout at LA Fitness and can get friend passes for both of you. Or we can always just jog around the neighborhood or do a workout video, too! Lord knows I need the motivation as well. You’re an inspiration, Jamie!

  12. You can do it. I feel the same way and every time I lose some weight, I end up putting it back on. Sometimes I think I’m destined to be overweight. Lol. You just have to take one day at a time and if you fall off the wagon, you just get right back on. I joined healthywage.com. You can win money for losing weight. You can join a team of 5 and win 10k. Just keep chugging along and you will eventually get there.

  13. I am so proud of you! And feel inspired by you! Jamie, I am very sincere when I tell you that you will help motivate so many women by doing this. Thank you for doing this and helping to light a fire under my butt to get me moving and eating less, too!

  14. Good luck on your journey! The first steps are the hardest, for sure. I am also tired of feeling I have little energy, of being overweight, of telling my kids “not now, mommy’s tired”. I need to slap my own picture on my fridge and cabinets as a reminder not to reach for bad foods!!! And on my treadmill, so I’ll use it!

  15. YOU CAN DO IT! Seriously, I am there right with you. I am so tired of having to worry about my weight, so tired of being out of shape…but we aren’t getting any younger and our unhealthy habits aren’t doing us any favors! Good for you for taking back control! 🙂

    • Yes! We are not getting any younger. I do not want to turn out like my mom with her health issues and that’s the path I’m heading down. Time to take control of it before it takes control of me!

  16. Amen and amen! I am doing the same! I’ll be back to check to see how you’re doing! Way to go!

  17. You are awesome! I am so impressed with this post, Jamie. I am rooting for you. I too need to lose weight. I have 25 lbs. I am not looking for a size specifically but my size 8 jeans are all getting too snug too. I don’t want to have to buy size 10. I need to just lose this weight and be within normal healthy range. It’s so hard with young kids, homeschooling, and this blog. But I need to quit making excuses too. thanks for motivation this week. I am proud of you 🙂

    • Yes! It’s the normal healthy range I need to get back into. I don’t have a goal number, just a size I can fit comfortably into. I do NOT want to buy size 14 when I know that size 12 is just fine if I lose 5-10 lbs. Better yet, lose a few more lbs and fit back into size 8-10! Healthy and happy with energy, however, is the ultimate goal no matter what the number on the scale says.

  18. OHMIGOSH!!! I am totally 100% right there with you…. It sounds like I could have written this post – well except insert a different type of anti-depressant and a different weight. I need to lose about 40 pounds to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. I’ve been struggling and making excuses for 3 1/2 years. It’s time to stop! It is amazing to me how many of us struggle with the same things, and yet we feel so alone. Thank you for writing this post, and I vow to take this journey with you.
    Here’s to better health! And more enjoyment of our lives!

    • So glad to know that I’m not alone! I’m never going to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. I don’t really want to. I was super skinny back then and I’m not sure I would look good back at that weight. I just want to get back to a healthy weight. 10 lbs or so above pre-pregnancy. More so than the weight loss, however, I want to gain back my energy and drive to do things. The weight loss is the icing on the cake.

  19. I think you are gorgeous and fun. But I respect your decision to become more comfortable with yourself. I will also join you. <3



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